I Love You, Boy
by gimmexsomexjacksonxwalsh
Summary: Aaron can't understand, he can't believe. He won't believe...but he knows he has to do this...has to break even...r&r mas e do thoil e


A/N: Okay so this was inspired by nibblexmyxnaan's line :

' '_**He finally proved he's more of a Hitler than a Gandhi anyway.' Adam spat vehemently.'**_

From her Adam/Jackson/Aaron love triangle fic 'He's Never Going To Love You Like I Want To.' Great read, would totally recommend it.

Anyway, back to my own story. The 'You' referred to in this story is referring to Aaron. The rest isn't that confusing. It's a bit different from what I usually write but I was inspired so… Please review and concrit is **more** than welcome.

You Say I Love You, Boy

You blink slowly and drink in the atmosphere. Your head bobs to the heavy beat of the drums and you feel your hips starting to sway to the addictive thuds of the bass. You've never been here before; you've never seen so many people gathered together in one spot enjoying themselves. It feels strange to you that they should be so openly happy, so obvious in their pursuit for pleasure.

OoO

You take one shaky step towards the bar, your heart beating uncomfortably against your ribcage. What if they know? What if they can smell it from you like some kind of rancid meat? Your bright blue eyes swivel around in your head as you search the crowd, terrified that someone you know should see you. A pair of green eyes meets yours and he smiles, a mischievous look sparkling in his emerald orbs. You quickly look away, a blush spreading across your cheeks. Your fists clench and unclench anxiously. You shouldn't be here. This place isn't for people like _you_.

oOo

Two more steps and now you're on the edge of the dance floor. The bar is approximately thirty metres away and you know that you can do it; you know that you can cross the floor without stopping if you _really_ try but you're not sure if you can try. You try to try but you are frozen to the spot because you finally see his playful brown eyes watching you. Your mouth goes dry and your head starts to spin and your legs are shaking even more and you quickly take four steps back, still watching the mesmerizing eyes that are scrutinizing your face. He's smiling now and looking at you unsurely, as though he can't really believe you're here and either can you. You don't know why you have done this to yourself, the humiliation and the nerves. You don't know why you didn't just stay at Smithy and hate yourself there, in the comfort of your own home.

OoO

He's crossing the dance floor now, full of confidence and swagger and you can't help but envy him a little. He's so comfortable in himself, so sure in what he wants from life. You stand stock still and wait for him, until he's a mere three inches away from you and you can't help but inhale the air around you, his rich scent causing flashes of memories to dance in front of your eyes. He cocks his head to the side and announces that he'd wasn't expecting to see you here. You don't give him a reply, not trusting your viperous tongue with words.

oOo

He reaches across for your hand but you snatch it away, falling another few steps back. You shake your head and look at him sadly; unable to believe he would intentionally hurt you. He frowns in confusion, his dark eyebrows knitting together. He asks you what's wrong and you want to scream at him that he should know, that he should see the pain etched across your face. He doesn't though and you are in no mood to explain to him so instead you force a smile and shake your head. He relaxes a little and goes for your hand once again and you let him hold it, enjoying the feeling of his safe, strong hand holding yours. He drags you across the dance floor, over to the bar, a wide grin on his face. You can't help but wonder if maybe you were wrong, wondering if you'd made some sort of mistake.

OoO

You reach the bar and you sit down on a stool, your eyes scanning the club, looking for some sort of indication that you were doing the right thing, that you being here was the right thing to do. Your heart stops however when you see It. Its eyes, grey and cold are watching you as though It's trying to place you from somewhere. You notice the way It pales slightly, obviously recognizing you. It ducks Its head and moves down a few stools, keeping Its back to you at all times. You feel the bile burning the back of your throat, the anger causing your usually smooth, handsome face to contort with hideous rage.

oOo

He returns and places your drink in front of you, winking as he does so. He looks around him, nodding at a few people he recognizes. He asks you what you're doing here and you shrug, taking a giant slug from your beer, trying to dampen your dry mouth. He smirks and lowers his lips to your ears, asking you if you'd missed him. You shake your head, a coy smile on your face but inside you are in turmoil. Your entire body yearns to tear It from limb to limb, to drag It outside and beat It ten different shades of black and blue. But you don't. Instead you pick at a hole in your tracksuit bottoms and avoid eye contact with everyone.

OoO

You look up as a group approach the two of you, all of them obviously his friends. You can't help but hear the way one of them asks how he had managed to bring his 'closet case' out with him. He looks back at you concernedly, offering you a quick smile. You glare at his friends, not caring what they think of you anymore because soon it was all going to end. Soon you would lose _everything_.

oOo

It stands up from Its stool and makes Its way over to where you are sat. You don't trust yourself so you shove your hands deep in your pockets, trying to seem casual as It sits down beside you. It introduces itself as James and you can feel tears burning the back of your eyes. Why was It trying to familiarize itself with you? You nod and tell It your name, looking over your shoulder to see his brown eyes huge with wonderment and a hint of fear. It offers to buy you a drink but you shake your head and point at your pint. It nods and tries to start some small talk with you but the small talk soon grows tiny and dissipates to nothing. It looks at you and you feel your blood boil as you see sympathy and guilt in Its eyes. It sighs and claps you on the back, announcing It must go. You nod and offer It-Gary-a small smile. Gary lingers for a moment as though he was contemplating something but soon shakes his head and makes his way for the door. You watch him go with a heavy heart, still unsure, still not one hundred percent certain.

OoO

He sits down beside you and puts his hand on your thigh, a strange look in his eyes. He asks you what that was all about and you shrug giving him a mumbled reply. He leans forward and cups your face with his hand but you shove him away, looking over your shoulder, as usual, for someone who might know you. He sighs bitterly and stands up, pulling on his jacket. He asks you if your coming back to his and you decide that you are. He smiles and waits for you, extending his hand. You shake your head and push you way across the dance floor, much more assertive than when you first arrived. He follows you and once you are outside he drapes his arm across you shoulders, kissing your neck and nibbling on your earlobe. You let your eyes flutter shut for a second and allow yourself this small moment of pleasure, allow yourself to forget about what was to come and what you were about to do.

oOo

He pushes you up against the wall, his hands tugging at your pants, his mouth sucking and kissing your neck. You know you need to stop, you know that you can't let him do this but he feels _so_ good and you want him _so _bad. He drops to his knees and frees your already hard member from the confines of your boxers. You look down at him and he looks up, his brown eyes glistening with lust but his lust soon turns to fear as he realizes that your eyes are glistening with tears. He pulls your boxers back up and stands up, placing a warm hand on your cheek. He demands to know what's wrong, he tells you how strange you've been acting lately. He tells you that he loves you and that he's worried. This causes you to burst into tears. You shove him away and shake your head slowly. You ask him did he mean that, did he _really_ love you. He nods and you can see the honesty in his eyes. You bite your lip and look at him unsurely. Were you brave enough to go through with this? Were you ready to let go?

OoO

He watches you regain composure, his face ridden with anxiety. Tell me, he begs, tell me what's wrong. You sigh and shake your head, making your way to the door. You tell him that you know. He asks you what you mean and you can feel yourself growing impatient. You _know_ you insist. His eyes widen and for a second he's speechless. He looks at you in horror and shakes his head slowly. He tells you that it's not true; that whatever Adam had told you was a lie. That's when you laugh and laugh uncontrollably. You couldn't believe that he would tell you that he loves you and then lie to your face. You look at him in disgust and shake your head. You tell him that he's a bastard and that you never want to see him again, and you really, _really_ mean it. He shakes his head and reaches out to grab you, pleading with you to see sense. You try to shake him off but he's too strong so you close your fist and punch him right in the face. He staggers back and falls to the ground at your feet. He tells you that he deserved that, that he deserved more and he begs you to hit him, demands that you hurt him. And you want to, you so _desperately_ wanted to break him like he has broken you but you don't want to give him that satisfaction. So you shake your head and make your way to the door, making sure to slam it hard on the way out.

oOo

You sit on the step of Smithy Cottage, taking quick, shallow breaths. You had managed the bus journey fairly well, hiding your emotions from the other passengers. You staggered from the bus stop to here and now you are uncertain of whether you'll be able to make it inside or not. You feel drained, you feel numb. You close your eyes and **hate** him for making you feel this way, for making you feel like you weren't enough. Your phone vibrates for what feels like the millionth time since you left his flat. You take it out and sigh with relief when you see that it's not him. You answer and nearly cry when you hear your best friends voice. He asks if your okay, he asks if you need him and you're ashamed to admit that you do, you _really_ need him. He laughs and tells you that he's on his way and for a millisecond, you feel a little bit better.

OoO

Adam helps you get inside, his strong arms wrapped around you, his soft voice whispering kind words in your ear. He brings you as far as the sofa and sets you down, trying not to worry too much about the hollow look in your eyes. He asks you how Jackson took it but you can't talk, all you can do is cry. You've never felt this much pain in your life. You gasp and splutter and try to make sense of your words but nothing seems to be working. Your brain has slowed down, your tongue is swollen and your body paralysed. You never knew what _proper_ betrayal felt like until now. Adam sighs and sets himself down beside you, holding you close against his chest. He tells you that he's not worth it, that he doesn't deserve someone like you. And you silently disagree because Jackson had been perfect. Jackson had been all you ever wanted. And now you had to live in this broken fairytale all alone.

Críoch


End file.
